Posted by PHILLIP on December 24, 1999 at 16:18:26:
Dear Sir
Sorry for bothering you. I am hoping that you will be able to help me, hence the letter.I hope it would reached a not to critical ear although I think I deserve to be condemned.
I wish I did not have to say this to you but I have backslidden and I doubt if I will ever recover from my own sins. A few months ago I’ve tried to make a come back but to no avail. I wish I could voice my feelings and confusion but I am bad at words and hoping you will be able to make sense out of my confusion I am going to try anyway. I’ve recently read an article on predestination which I have include in the envelope and it seems to me that I should have given this doctrine much more thought, because, maybe the reason I haven’t found victory and backslide again and again is because God didn’t elect me. If this is true you won’t be able to give me guidance that will lead to my salvation. And if this is true I am very confused about God’s righteousness and His love. In my mind, which I know is twisted to some degree, it seems virtually impossible to marry the idea of God’s love to the theory that some are made for hell and in this manner will bring glory to God. Once again, if this is true then God is to blame for my condition (I am not saying He is, all I am saying is that when one follows a deductive way of reasoning it boils down to God being the guilty one).
Sir, why is it that I don’t get through to God? Why does it seems that He isn’t as interested in me as in others? Why, if He knew I was going to fail Him again and again and again and again did He make me??? If I had a choice in the whole matter, if God had to ask me for advise in His creation act I would’ve advised Him not to make me. Why does it sometimes seems as if He is playing chess with us, causing us to have a hard time on earth so that He could be glorified. Do you really think God can save one to the uttermost in this lifetime? Do you think that it is really possible for Him to make the most vile sinner into the most holy saint? But what about me?? Do think that He can empower one to serve Him with a pure and humble heart? How is this possible? Why doesn’t He answer my prayers? Why doesn’t He deliver me from the poison of the devil? When a child gets bitten by a snake no parent is going to give a little bit of the antidote if he/she knows that all the poison can be taken out by giving all the antidote. If the cross work of the Lord Jesus Christ is able to save us why does He keep some of its wonder working power from us? Why does some enter into a life of victorious living while others have to go through life mourn? Sir, have you ever met or worked with someone that could honestly say that God has delivered them from homouality? I haven’t and sometimes I think that these people are also not predestined to be saved.
Sir, I had faith towards God to save me not only from homouality but also from other heart sins, but it seems that He doesn’t care. I don’t think that after this letter I am going to care either but I had to voice my last feeble hope. If you will answer this letter after having prayed I will be so thankful.
Thank you for your time. I won’t do anything until your reply reaches me.
Phillip Pentz
PS Please send your reply to my hotmail address. Thank you.
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